4 Things We Want You to Know About Moving Back

We’re moving back to the US two weeks from tomorrow (gulp). We are grateful for those of you who have checked in and are excited for us, and we want to honestly share what this whole deal is like:

1. We aren’t moving home.

“Home” for us, ever since we’ve been married (well, 2 months into the gig), has been Zambia. We traded blenders and china for suitcases and plastic cups on our wedding registry, and built our lives and our marriage in Zambia. Though we’ve traveled back and forth a good bit for fundraising and visits, our home has been here. We know where to grocery shop, how to find the best tomatoes, that we’ll never really get 90% of our mail, the best hospitals/doctors to visit after the fever’s lasted too long, where to find friends (the Deli & church), and places to retreat to after a long day. This is our familiar. Zambia has been our home since January 2014. That may not be a long time to some, but like I said, as a married couple it’s all we’ve known. And for me (Amy) it’s all I’ve known since July 2012. So though we’re moving back to our “home” country, it hasn’t been our home for quite some time, and that’s a hard thing to communicate.

2. It’s not easy.

We made the decision to move back to America for the next couple of years for the best of CiH and our personal lives, but that doesn’t mean it’s all rainbows and ponies. It’s really hard. Words will fall extremely short with this one. Though we’re grateful for y’alls excitement for us, know that it isn’t easy. And we’re really sad to be leaving our home, our friends who have become our family, and our lives here. We would appreciate your sensitivity to this reality, regardless if it makes sense. Sure some days we’ll tell you we’re super excited about Chickfila and “comforts” but the truth is that this is a grieving process, and sometimes we just share the answer we think you want to hear because the correction and honesty hurts a little too much.

3. We don’t have too much to say.

While we’re walking in the thick of a major life transition, dealing with many traumas endured over the last year (or four years), we don’t have many profound things to say. While we’re in the trenches, it’s hard to see the big picture and blog about profound life lessons (not that we did too much before, but you know what I mean). It’s hard to capture emotions in photographs to share with friends and family when we don’t fully understand our own emotions, and when we want to be honest with where we’re at. While the people-pleasing part of me wants to say that I’m sorry for our silence and I’m sorry that it’ll most likely continue, the real part of me really says thank you for giving us our space and our silence. Thank you for praying the words we don’t even know to ask you to pray.

4. We have hope.

All this sounds pretty negative and sad, and as we near our departure date, a lot of days are really sad. But we know that the night doesn’t last forever, that God has a plan. One far greater than I can imagine. One more beautiful than my mind can conceive. Right now in the pits of it, it looks scary and big and daunting. But we have hope. I will hold onto this hope I profess, for He who promised is faithful. He was faithful years ago when He first wrote this verse on my soul, and I KNOW He continues to be, even when my eyes can only see inches in front of me, the scary and sad parts. Thank you to those of you who have been speaking this truth on repeat, who have been walking with us in the ick, and who keep pointing us back to hope. That it will get better. And we know it will. Maybe you’re in a scary place too, a place of hurt, and while I don’t have the answer of the “why” or the “when,” I do believe wholeheartedly that there is a purpose. There is goodness. There is grace. And it. will. get. better. Walk with us today and know you’re not alone in the trenches.

And finally, we want y’all to know that we are thankful for you. For your support throughout this adventure and the one up ahead. God is the same in Zambia as He is in America and we are just as expectant that He is going to reveal His glory and perform miracles through His people. While the current season is pretty heavy and pretty sad, we know that goodness lies ahead, because He is with us and before us. Thank you for praying for us, for encouraging us, and for following us through this next chapter of the Bardi Party.  

We love y’all.

(Wyatt didn't see this tidbit before I published this post, because I wanted it to be a surprise. Though he'll be really humble and probably not admit it, he has been my rock. On our wedding day this was just a pose to make a pretty picture, but now it is real, it is raw, it is beautiful. God's great grace through this man. The love of Jesus shown through a man who does the dishes and the laundry without prompting on the days that I struggle to get moving. A man who listens, who comforts, who lets me process alone, who doesn't quite get a lot of the emotions that I can't express, but who is holding me every step of the way. Thank you Jesus for this man, for my groom.)

Love,

A&W